Today’s topic
Key practices to help us speak our truth, powerfully and assertively, when it matters most.
Based on Resilience in the Moment of Choice: Speaking our Truth, the session I conducted at George Mason University’s conference Living and Leading with Resilience.
Speak powerfully—the challenges of our times require it
Recently, George Mason University held an intriguing conference on the intersection of positive psychology and leadership. And as many of you know, I presented at a breakout session: Resilience in the Moment of Choice: Speaking our Truth.
These uncertain times call for our best thinking and our best game, from each of us. We all face those moments in which we can choose to speak up, to share our insight or point of view. Sometimes it’s at work in a project review meeting. Sometimes it’s with a neighbor who is spreading a rumor we know isn’t true. Sometimes it’s with a boss who does not have all the facts, but has the power to make a decision—and something in your gut says his way might go south.
And in those crucial moments, do we speak skillfully so we are heard? Stay silent? Become a bull in the china shop?
It’s not all on our shoulders, but…some of it is
There are more than a few limits on our power as individuals. We can speak very powerfully and skillfully, and not influence or change the situation we face. The people and teams we are speaking to need to listen with a willingness to be influenced—and we need to return the favor. Organizations need to foster people’s ability to speak up, rather than ignore or even punish dissenters. Those are important concerns, but are topics for future blogs.
In the meantime, though, despite all that’s outside of our control, we need to realize that we do ‘own’ a piece: the responsibility to raise our concerns and offer our insight. If individuals do not speak up, nothing changes. Unless we speak up, no one has the option to listen and benefit. And we increase our shot to influence others when we speak up powerfully and skillfully.
Speaking powerfully: practices to prepare your body and mindset, not just content
Even if your words communicate your message precisely, people listen more to the non-verbal cues. Next week I will be blogging more about the research behind this, but for now, consider the possibility that how we speak—our tone, our presence—can communicate even more than what—our words, our argument—we say.
We do not have to leave those non-verbal cues to chance if we do three things:
1. Prepare your body: Practice centering
How we hold our bodies—literally, our stance—actually affects our tone, our ability to take risks, and our ability to speak up. In turn, this impacts those listening or talking with us. So, feeling tight and constricted (the fight reaction) shows up and can derail your conversation. Feeling disconnected and numb, like you just don’t want to be in the room (flight reaction) can also derail your conversation.
So what can you do? Center your body. Relax the physical contractions and let your skeleton do the work. Centering lowers the cortisol (stress hormone) in your system and gets more oxygen to your brain. You can think more clearly and communicate more effectively as your ‘best self’ rather than be run by your flight/fight/freeze reaction. (A great resource about this is Richard Strozzi Heckler’s The Leadership Dojo: Build Your Foundation as an Exemplary Leader; fantastic book I review in Resources under Leadership).
There are many ways to center, from martial arts traditions, yoga, religions, etc. This is one way I’ve found useful.
- Breathe deeply. Fill your lungs. As you let it out, envision tension leaving your body.
- Balance yourself—left right, front back. Again, deep breath, release.
- Align yourself—let your skeleton do the work. Head above shoulders, shoulders above hips, hips above knees, knees over ankles. Drop your breath down lower in your body. Release.
- Relax—scan your body from head to toe, one region at a time, noticing contraction and releasing as best you can. Let your shoulders drop. Relax your eyes and jaw, neck and shoulders, stomach, etc. Soften your knees. Again, deep breath, release.
- Root yourself—imagine your feet have roots streaming down into the ground, as far as you can go. Take a deep breathe again.
2. Prepare your mindset: Reframe your assumptions
A common pitfall is to hear questions, counter-arguments, or any pushback as a sign that person is not listening, is an obstacle or worse yet, an enemy attacking. These assumptions set up a fight/flight/freeze response. Instead, reframe the situation. This is an opportunity for alliance; they are practice partners who can bring out your best thinking. They are there to do their job and test your thinking too, for the greater good. Preventing groupthink does not mean everyone listens to/follows you, but that everyone’s voices are in the room, constructively.
3. Practice, Practice, Practice re-centering
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.”
Aristotle
So, practice centering when you are not in the midst of taking a stand. Practice re-centering when you hear something you really do not want to hear. (This is useful at home and at work). If you have the option to, prepare for the time you will take a stand—and practice centering while you do. If you can, practice with a trusted friend or colleague. Tell them what you most fear hearing when you take a stand; have them say it, and practice re-centering.
Speaking with power is, in fact, a habit we can develop with practice and attention. And doing so builds our resilience and capacity to speak our truth, when it matters most.
Stay tuned for more—and let me know if you have a topic to explore
I plan on blogging on a series of related topics, including:
- “This mind-body stuff sounds interesting, but what’s the proof?”
The scientific research findings that support these practices
- “Nurturing the canaries in the coal mines”
How organizations can encourage people to speak up, so they can hear the early warning signals before the crisis hits
- “What the *&@(*&#?? Re-centering when you hear what you really don’t want to hear.”
- “Where can I train in this powerful stuff?”
How do I get more training in somatics? In working with groups and organizations?
And if you have a topic you’d like to explore, please let me know!
