Work life balance is a source of great day-to-day stress. While there is no strict set of rules, exploring the following steps can serve us well…

1. Aim for integration, not balance. The word ‘balance’ can set up a tug of war: family versus work, self-care versus friends. Instead, reframe: you are integrating parts of your life into a whole that works for you, through the ongoing choices you make.
2. Know your own values and priorities. Get perspective: In 50 years, what will make you smile, make you feel fulfilled as you look back on your life? Think of work, relationships, communities, and all that you care about.
3. Be honest—how well are you walking the talk today? OK, there’s what we say we value, and there’s what we do. How does the way you spend your time today align with what you value overall?
4. How well does your role model fit your situation? My neighbor was really upset last weekend, having just burned cupcakes for her daughter’s class (the dangers of multi-tasking). When I suggested buying store-bought, she was shocked. Her mother certainly wouldn’t have, but then her mother didn’t commute for an hour on a good day or have a full time demanding job outside her home—apples and oranges anyone?
5. Are you trying to get the “A”? Sometimes we set standards for ourselves, independent of role models, that just exceed what is truly required. Are you habitually trying for the A yet feeling guilty when that doesn’t pane out? The irony is we can’t get an A in everything—C’s are inevitable in our complicated lives, so choose where to get that C.
6. Self care is not selfish as Erma Bombeck said.  Running full tilt on an “energy deficit” hurts not just ourselves but those around us. Protect some sacred time to take care of yourself, even if it is only 15 minutes a day, and commit to doing it for the sake of yourself and your loved ones.
7. Make tools work for you. Technology can help us integrate work and life—unless we become slaves to the tools. Set boundaries that serve you with your cell phone, email, ‘crackberry,’ etc.
8. If you over-commit, then ‘commit to commit.’ If you say yes too often, buy yourself time when someone makes a request. Say “I’ll have to check first, but will get back to you by (a specific time).” Then figure out how their request fits with your priorities and other commitments, so you can say yes, counter-offer, or say no—in the context of what is important to you.
9. When you struggle, what would you tell a good friend in your situation? We can be more compassionate with our friends than ourselves.
10. Be gentle with yourself. Remember, integrating work and life is a day-to-day evolution. And ask for help. Family, friends, kids, cleaning services, etc. can provide support, but only if you ask…